too sharp, too flat, and other generally nasty chords

Chelsey here. It's been a heckuva last two weeks, so I'm hoping you won't blame me for giving my whirling head a couple minutes to splay itself out on (online) paper.

And if you do blame me...why are you still reading?

Ted's current fieldwork church has a pretty gorgeous sanctuary. It's old and sweeping and has stained glass and is made of solid things and I love it. (Then again, I have a general weakness for all things antique. Read: THINGS antique. Not antique ideas.)

I went in there after I got out of Bible study last Sunday because Ted wasn't finished with his just yet. The lights were out and the cloudy light outside was filtering inside in the most beautiful, photogenic way. It was empty and quiet and as I sank down into one of the front pews, I exhaled slowly, thanking God for the brief respite from the throngs of people teeming through the church.

Not that I dislike people or being around them, but you introverts know what I mean.

I closed my eyes, started to ask God to place His peace on my heart (which I've been asking for quite often these last few months), and then I heard it.

No, not the voice of God...I like to think I would have been perfectly calm if that had happened, but we all know I would have flipped out.

Instead, it was the most terrible piano-playing I've ever heard in my life.

The 'music' varied between pained trials of choppy, wrong-note-ridden pieces that were evidently being learnt and memorized simultaneously, as well as the frustrated pounding of keys that were not yielding the proper results. I was dead set on stomping my way out of the sanctuary like the selfish person I am - until I turned my head to see the player.

Instead of the hyper kindergartener I was expecting, it was a young man, probably in early high school, his tie flipped back over his shoulder and his body hunched over in concentration. The angry chords between semi-pieces came when he leaned forward to fold his hands in prayer (or set his head down on them in frustration - which, who hasn't been there? I have).

Taken aback, I decided to sit and listen.

As I considered the detail in the stained glass windows, the high arching wooden beams, and the rich colors of the walls, I realized that the young man was trying to play Christmas songs, 'Silent Night,' ironically enough, among them. I laughed quietly because the juxtaposition of his playing and the beauty of the room was so bizarre.

My laughter stopped when it made me think of something even more bizarre:

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

The piano player was trying his darndest to play Silent Night.

I'm always trying my darndest to 'do' life correctly, to offer myself up - to say the right things, to be there when people need someone, to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good wife, to love people the way that Christ loves me, and on and on and on...

But you know what? I am no closer to doing those things than that piano player was to playing a sonata perfectly while blindfolded. None of us are.

And yet God takes my broken scraps of music as the attempts of a woman who is seeking to live in a more excellent way - in His love. And I think sometimes He just has to close the piano up and tell me to go take a nap because I'm ignoring His peace and just trying way too hard.

Trusting in His peace and timing is so much easier than trying to do everything on my own.

And certainly a lot easier on the ears.

Do not Stop

Here are a couple updates to our life:

1. We are loving Concordia Kirkwood. This church is my field work assignment, and we could not ask for better pastors, staff, or people at this church! 

2. I am two weeks away with finishing my first quarter of Seminary. It's been great!

3. We have some amazing friends up here! Thursday night has become our "Family Night". We have a group of Sem people come over for dinner and hang out! It has been such a blessing for us. Monday night is Chuck night with our next door neighbor Jarvis, which is always good!

4. We are getting more excited about coming home for Christmas for some times with Friends and Family.

Just a short post tonight, I will post more later this week!

-Ted

Fall in the Midwest

Fall has come to the St. Louis area, and with it, several new experiences for us. First, its October, and we can regularly wear jackets. It is crazy! Who could have thought that a Jacket would be needed for more than two days out of the month of October. Second, apparently trees' leaves change color in the fall. Third, we are blessed with some amazing new friends. This past week a girlfriend of one of our sem friends stayed with us from Tuesday to Friday. It was a great time! Just having someone extra in the apartment made for good times! The best part of the week was Thursday night. Dinner was planned with the couple (our friend and his girlfriend) and two other seminarians. Now dinner was planned to start immediately after online registration for the winter quarter, which started exactly thirty six minutes late. So an hour after we had planned to start dinner, everyone was at the apartment, ready to eat. It was amazing, good stories, good food, and wonderful friends. We talked, laughed and hung out. After dinner we (the guys) played some Halo:Reach, while the ladies watched (we have some great significant others) and talked about how nerdy we are. 

As life continues up here, we continually grow, life is not always easy, but we are learning how to rejoice in struggle. I  could not ask for a better friend/partner/teammate to be walking this journey with me. God is moving, we are excited to see how He will use us!

-Ted

So I'm not much for cooking posts...

...but this particular dinner is my favorite to make because it's so easy. Just wanted to pass it along in case any of you are stuck wondering what to make for dinner. I didn't take pictures because I was too hungry, so...use your imagination. :)

Chelsey's Easy Bake Dinner

ingredients:

one boneless, skinless chicken breast per person eating

bacon

chive & onion cream cheese

fresh broccoli or green beans (I use 3 or 4 heads of broccoli)

diced garlic

olive oil

salt & pepper

lemon juice

grated parmesan cheese

pine nuts or almonds (optional)

steps:

1. pre-heat your oven to 425

2. cut up broccoli or green beans into bite-sized pieces - make sure they're as dry as possible so they don't get soggy in the oven.

3. toss with salt, pepper, diced garlic (I usually use a shallow spoonful), and enough olive oil to coat.

4. spread vegetables on a cookie sheet and set aside

5. on another sheet, place two pieces of bacon for each piece of chicken. place 1 chicken breast on one of the bacon spaces, followed by a spoonful of the cream cheese. wrap the ends of the bacon over the top of the chicken. do this for each piece of chicken.

6. place both pans in the oven and bake for 25 to 30 minutes. vegetables should be blackened/browned on the tips, and bacon should be done around the pieces of chicken.

7. put vegetables in a bowl; toss with a tablespoon of lemon juice. sprinkle parmesan & optional nuts over the vegetables.

There you have it! Easy Bake dinner! Let me know how y'all like it. :)

Found

Chelsey here. It only took me...3 1/2 months to finally sit down and blog. :) Warning: this is a very honest post.

On a related note: I used to be a really self-motivated person. Some might call it being a perfectionist...perhaps even slightly OCD...but whatever you called me, I had drive. I obsessed over high A grades (a 97 wasn't high enough). I ran as fast as I could because I was determined to outrun the girl in front of me. And when I ran, I was too stubborn to stop and take a breath.

That's generally how life went - I set my mind on something and I stuck to it, no holds barred, until I finished. The difference between this sort of motivation and healthy drive is that I was hurting people - and deceiving myself - as I sped by.

Long story short: when I was in my early high school years, I tore a ligament in my knee that required surgery. Surgery required physical rehabilitation. Physical rehabilitation required me to

slow

down.

A lot. Slowing down made me see that I had been placing my identity and self-worth in the things I could do (academics, athletics, talents etc.), rather than in being a child of God. Of course, at that point in my life, the thought that my self-worth wasn't wrapped up in my activities never even crossed my mind. That point came much later.

In fact, I'm still working on it.

Watch these:

(Be warned, though - there is some minor cursing and lighthearted dark humor - if that sort of thing offends you, then...deal with it.)

Byron Phillips: Found Part 1 w/ Zachary Levi from Joel David Moore

Byron Phillips: Found Part 2 w/ Zachary Levi from Joel David Moore

So I'm sure you're wondering what a weird short film about a guy who loses his soul has to do with my knee. Stay with me.

My last year of college was an extremely hard one. I was planning a wedding, missing my fiancé, and desperately seeking an internship to become a rostered church worker. I prayed without ceasing that God would provide me with one, but He didn't. I tried to take matters into my own hands by asking people to spread my name around the St. Louis area, but nothing came up. I even called different pastors and asked them if they needed a DCE intern for the next year - or even two. I was desperate.

I rarely slept; I withdrew from most of my friends; I got sick often; I cried often; I dropped off the map of the DCE crew. I had been looking forward to my 'placement' chapel service since I was a freshman in college, but when the time came, I didn't even attend. I couldn't bear it. It made me sick to my stomach to see my fellow DCE classmates beaming with pride as they announced where they were going to be interning the following year. I envied their conversations about potential difficulties or challenges they would face and wished with all my might that I could join in.

Instead, I sat in the back of the classroom week and spoke to no one. The only question any of them asked was, "Chelsey, how is the job hunt going?"

I gave a runaround answer. What was I supposed to say - abysmal? Because that was the truth. By the time I left Concordia, I had never been so grateful to get away.

It was hard to explain to others how I was feeling. On one hand, I was overjoyed, excited, and eager to commit my life to Ted's. I was ready for us to be joined in Christ; I knew my calling was to be his wife before being a DCE. On the other hand, I felt like a complete failure. I had set up standards for myself and I had failed to reach them.

It wasn't until I watched this film that I realized that I have not gotten past the lie that I am only what I achieve. It's been - what - almost 8 years? And still I feel like 14 year-old Chelsey, tottering through the halls of Liberty Hill High School on crutches, watching my old friends chatter and laugh together in their volleyball uniforms on the way to a game that I could no longer prove myself in.

It's a strange thing - knees, 'lost' souls, interrupted plans. But for me, it all makes sense when I consider this:

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now am found

once was blind, but now I see

God has provided for my husband and I in ways that we never expected. He always does. I am happy - really, truly happy - here with Ted.

And in the journey to St. Louis, I have realized that it isn't possible for Byron to get his soul back from Zoe, and all attempts to do so only lead to confusion and pain. His soul is peaceful, content, and full of joy with her. And why should he get it back? That isn't what he needs.

My soul finds rest in God alone. To whom else will I go? Not athletics or successful plans or professional achievement, but to Him alone. In Him is my calling (even if it is contrary to what I think I need or deserve). In Him is my peace (even if that is working a desk job and making grocery lists in the Midwest, of all places).

My Lord has given me my grace-filled identity in Christ.

He has the words of eternal life.

P.S. Yes, this relates to Chuck. :) Byron is played by Zachary Levi. And he - along with Joel David Moore, one of his good friends - is the bomb.

Almost a month

We are nearing a month living in St. Louis and here is a list of things that we have accomplished:
1. Moved our entire lives from Houston/Austin to St. Louis


2. Moved all our things into a "Frat House"


3. Repainted a our living room from Martian Green to Rejuvenate (the literal name of the paint)




4. Various projects around the apartment

Hung the pot rack


Cut off the bottom of that book shelf (got it off Craigslist, had some water damage)


Hung some curtains

5. Spent time at the FREE museums and zoo in Forest Park

6. CHELSEY GOT A JOB! (Customer Service Rep for Concordia Publishing House).

7. Spent tons of time with Mary and Dan Suelzle and awesome baby Norah!

8. Enjoyed the Festival of Nations in Tower Park with the afore mentioned Suelzles

9. I am loving Call of Duty time with my boys a couple times a week (amazing how technology can bring us together...to kill people...virtually of course)

10. Trivia night on Tuesday's with some good friends from CTX



We have had a great time adjusting to married/St. Louis/Seminary life. It has been a great new part of our adventure and we are really enjoying learning how to be "real people". We are missing all our friends and family back in Texas, but we can see that God has big plans for us here!

Working hard...

So Chelsey and I are sitting in my office at Christ the King, preparing to take 69 students, along with 12 other victims...I mean adults. We are ready for this trip. Last summer about this time we were both working at camp Lone Star, when I got a call from my dad "So if you are in charge of the youth next year, when is the Colorado trip going to be?" This was as strange thought to me as I was only thinking a couple weeks in advance for my job at camp, now I needed an answer for a year away. It has been a great ride to get to this point, a year apart from Chelsey with many challenging times, along with many things that I will never forget in our relationship, learning many things about working for a church, and many waypoints along the trip. From Chelsey's fall break, to Thanksgiving and Christmas, from Chelsey working with some amazing kids at Bethany to me going to South Carolina for a life changing learning community. Our last major point was the wedding/honeymoon. One big celebration in a year of constantly getting ready for the next thing. This Colorado trip represents our last thing in Kingwood. After that Chelsey and I head to St. Louis, a complete change of life. But first, Colorado! Pray for the Lord to work int he lives of these kids!