too sharp, too flat, and other generally nasty chords

Chelsey here. It's been a heckuva last two weeks, so I'm hoping you won't blame me for giving my whirling head a couple minutes to splay itself out on (online) paper.

And if you do blame me...why are you still reading?

Ted's current fieldwork church has a pretty gorgeous sanctuary. It's old and sweeping and has stained glass and is made of solid things and I love it. (Then again, I have a general weakness for all things antique. Read: THINGS antique. Not antique ideas.)

I went in there after I got out of Bible study last Sunday because Ted wasn't finished with his just yet. The lights were out and the cloudy light outside was filtering inside in the most beautiful, photogenic way. It was empty and quiet and as I sank down into one of the front pews, I exhaled slowly, thanking God for the brief respite from the throngs of people teeming through the church.

Not that I dislike people or being around them, but you introverts know what I mean.

I closed my eyes, started to ask God to place His peace on my heart (which I've been asking for quite often these last few months), and then I heard it.

No, not the voice of God...I like to think I would have been perfectly calm if that had happened, but we all know I would have flipped out.

Instead, it was the most terrible piano-playing I've ever heard in my life.

The 'music' varied between pained trials of choppy, wrong-note-ridden pieces that were evidently being learnt and memorized simultaneously, as well as the frustrated pounding of keys that were not yielding the proper results. I was dead set on stomping my way out of the sanctuary like the selfish person I am - until I turned my head to see the player.

Instead of the hyper kindergartener I was expecting, it was a young man, probably in early high school, his tie flipped back over his shoulder and his body hunched over in concentration. The angry chords between semi-pieces came when he leaned forward to fold his hands in prayer (or set his head down on them in frustration - which, who hasn't been there? I have).

Taken aback, I decided to sit and listen.

As I considered the detail in the stained glass windows, the high arching wooden beams, and the rich colors of the walls, I realized that the young man was trying to play Christmas songs, 'Silent Night,' ironically enough, among them. I laughed quietly because the juxtaposition of his playing and the beauty of the room was so bizarre.

My laughter stopped when it made me think of something even more bizarre:

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

The piano player was trying his darndest to play Silent Night.

I'm always trying my darndest to 'do' life correctly, to offer myself up - to say the right things, to be there when people need someone, to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good wife, to love people the way that Christ loves me, and on and on and on...

But you know what? I am no closer to doing those things than that piano player was to playing a sonata perfectly while blindfolded. None of us are.

And yet God takes my broken scraps of music as the attempts of a woman who is seeking to live in a more excellent way - in His love. And I think sometimes He just has to close the piano up and tell me to go take a nap because I'm ignoring His peace and just trying way too hard.

Trusting in His peace and timing is so much easier than trying to do everything on my own.

And certainly a lot easier on the ears.

Do not Stop

Here are a couple updates to our life:

1. We are loving Concordia Kirkwood. This church is my field work assignment, and we could not ask for better pastors, staff, or people at this church! 

2. I am two weeks away with finishing my first quarter of Seminary. It's been great!

3. We have some amazing friends up here! Thursday night has become our "Family Night". We have a group of Sem people come over for dinner and hang out! It has been such a blessing for us. Monday night is Chuck night with our next door neighbor Jarvis, which is always good!

4. We are getting more excited about coming home for Christmas for some times with Friends and Family.

Just a short post tonight, I will post more later this week!

-Ted